When I was in high school, I don’t remember who, but one of my classmates confided in me that she was dating a guy who was ten years older to her. At that time, being the dumb teenager that I was, I didn’t realize how messed up that was. I realized that this disgusting trend till exists in Shillong to this day. And this is just my way of bringing up this topic that should be talked about more often. This disgusting trend has to be stopped. Please do not read this story if such topics triggers you. Your mental health is more important than a story.

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At the impressionable age of fifteen, Hazel was lucky enough to experience love. Sitting by the park lake that had a beautiful, white bridge that spanned across its width, Hazel leaned her head on the shoulders of the man she adored. Hazel sighed with content as they watched the swans leisurely swim around in its cold waters. She turned her head, planted a kiss on his scruffy cheek before pulling back to admire the person that had stolen her heart. To the average person, no physical attribute of his stood out. Nothing about him was immaculate. But in Hazel’s eyes, he was the epitome of perfection. His chiselled jawline, his stubby nose, his curly thick hair paired with his charming persona. Roped in the girl who was only beginning to explore the world. 

Hazel felt a sense of pride as she held his hand. Being with him made her catch a glimpse of the adult world she longed to be a part of. He was only eight years her senior, yet he seemed more mature than the oldest person in her family. He talked about philosophies and subject matters that her underdeveloped brain couldn’t comprehend. Shrouded in a cloak of mysticism, Hazel was deeply enthralled by this ineffable being she couldn’t believe was hers. 

Overwhelmed by a sense of superiority, her friends seemed unintelligible, unsophisticated caricatures with very little understanding of the world. Hazel no longer felt like a mere child whose highest education was attending secondary school. She believed that she was blossoming into a woman, one with beauty and poise. With each passing day, she dove deeper into the realms of the world of the adults, forcing herself to venture into uncharted terrain. Her extensive time on the internet had taught her that men loved having a sophisticated, beautiful woman who would forever entice them on their hands. And Hazel was willing to transform herself into the woman of his fantasies to secure the illusionary future she had envisioned for them.

Hazel felt her metamorphosis into a woman complete the day he made love to her for the first time. Her gut churned with perturbation as he carefully undressed her allowing her clothes to fall to the floor. For weeks she had begged him. But his answer had been a consistent no. Until she promised him that she would never tell a soul even if they were to part. Hazel couldn’t fathom why her body trembled as he held her breasts in his hands and kissed them affectionately. She had asked for it, yet part of her wanted to curl up in one corner of the room and bawl her eyes out. The only sensation Hazel could feel was disconcertion. To settle the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach, Hazel told herself that soon she would feel immense pleasure, one she had never experienced before. But the illusion shattered when she felt the sudden, sharp pain travelling up her body. Afraid to disappoint the man of her dreams, Hazel swallowed her scream that threatened to escape her lips. With eyes shut tight, she clung to him, digging her nails into his back and waited till he finished.

Staring at the white ceiling fan that rotated over their heads, Hazel felt a false sense of completion. After he had cleaned himself up, he had hugged her tight and kissed her passionately. In his eyes, she was a complete woman. Hazel smiled back at him, drowning that nagging feeling with his charming words. After all, she was finally one with the man she loved. Hazel wholeheartedly believed the words he had whispered to her before he had gotten up to leave. She was the rib that God had ripped out of his body. And after years of waiting, it had finally returned back to him.

Despite being in a happy relationship, Hazel found herself unravelling. The small town she had lived in her whole life soon found out about them, for gossip such as these travel faster than the speed of sound. Apart from her parents, who loved their daughter immensely, the majority of the population knew. However, no one had said a word against it. Finding couples with wide age gaps was so common that the small city had normalised the trend of a young man abusing a child. 

Hazel knew that something was awry about her. But she couldn’t pinpoint what. Hazel would have episodes of exuberant enthusiasm bordering on mania followed by days of utter melancholia. Since he was the one person she trusted, Hazel confided in him about her issue. But he only shrugged it off as ‘just a phase.’ Once again, choosing to believe the adult in the relationship would know better, she placed her faith in him. 

He was so good with his words, sometimes Hazel felt like he had learnt charm speak. On days when she was overcome by depression, he would simply check up on her, making sure he never pushed her to her limit. But on days when she was manic. He loved her immensely, for she was very receptive to new ideas. Using deception to the best of his ability and sentences he had poetically strung together. He had convinced her that the notion of capturing their art of lovemaking on film had come from her. To prove his point, he had allowed her to keep the original copy of the tape. Shirking all responsibility onto the shoulders of a fifteen-year-old.   

Like all relations born out of deception, their courtship came to an end. It had begun by the smallest wavering of the eye. He had spotted someone younger, prettier, with a contagious laugh. After constant reassurance from the man she loved, Hazel brushed it off even though it had planted a seed of doubt. Never did it cross her mind again until she had an altercation with her friend a year later. 

“He’s just using you, but you’re too blind to see it. Do you really think that a fully grown adult would fall for someone who hasn’t even passed their matriculation?” Hazel’s friend blurted, unable to contain her thoughts anymore as anger coursed through her veins. With all her heart, she loathed the man who had isolated her friend from the rest of the world. And converted her into a person she no longer recognised.  

The words stuck, and memories of the past and present began circulating her head. For days Hazel tried to deny the indisputable fact that she had been used to fulfil a man’s sexual gratification. The more she thought about it, the more evident it became. Coming to terms with the truth about her relationship while battling her episodic despair took up a lot of time. But when it finally did, it hit her like a clap of thunder rattling her entire being. Hazel’s world came crashing as reality sunk into her bone tissue. She let out an agonising scream, falling to the floor while hugging her lithe body tight. A thousand questions erupted in her mind as she lay in a foetal position bawling her eyes out. And all of a sudden, the questions came to an abrupt halt as a sentence floated in her head.

“But he loved me.”

War raged within her. Hazel felt her head split into two. Part of her defended him while the other half called him a demon with an angelic face. He had robbed her of her innocence and autonomous control. And all that was left was a hollow figurine moulded from his fantasies. Unable to withstand the internal conflict that was breaking her sanity, Hazel rushed into the bathroom to grab the razor blade that sat idly on the cabinet. Feeling trapped like a butterfly caught in a spider’s web with its wings partially devoured. Hazel held the only solution she thought she had left with trembling hands.

Before she could make an irrational decision, strong arms held her tight, making the razor slip out of her hands. Hoping to see her lover Hazel’s hyperventilating heart slowed down a little as she turned towards her saviour. Instead of the young man who had taken more than just her heart, she saw her father standing there with bated breath, who had rushed up two flights of stairs on hearing his daughter’s cry for help. Silence prevailed between the two of them before Hazel crumbled into the safety of his arms. Having lost everything she thought she had, Hazel let out a gut-wrenching wail while her father cradled her, relieved to have been in the nick of time to save his daughter. Or so he thought.